mail 29 maart 2017
Tijdens The School for The Work in oktober 2007 gaf iemand mij een briefje met de verwijzing naar Adyashanti als iemand specialized in emboying (incorparating) your awakeness. Thuis bleef het jaren in de map wachten totdat ik er aan herinnerd werd ergens in 2013. Hoewel geraakt in mijn hart bij het beluisteren van diverse lezingen, duurde het tot december 2016 voordat ik mij inschreef voor een cursus, The Philosophy of Enlightenment. In het voorjaar van 2017 volgde ik de cursus Fierce Love. Naar aanleiding hiervan schreef ik deze mail:
This is what participating in this course (the talks and exercises) has inspirited me to so far. It’s not only an understanding (part from memory and recognition), but also a kind of prayer that helps me to navigate and support my commitment to the truth of my being:
‘My true being is neither flesh and blood nor pure potentiality. My true being is the engaging in the all-encompassing play of hide and seek (contract and open up) as potentiality incarnated throughout the living story of being and becoming without beginning and end.
Communing with heart consciousness vitalizes the space in which the engaging truly exists. May love and wisdom together enlighten the way life unfolds. May they nourish the awareness and felt sense of the quality of connecting with all beings and in relationship give rise to the expression of their own nature.’
It’s more like ‘through recognizing it, allowing it to evolve’ then ‘trying to create it, make it true’.
With love and gratitude, to your staff also,
In everyday life I’ve experienced little irritations vanish, allow the other to be who he or she is while allowing me my own truth. When ‘I take my losses’ and connect with a deeper current of truth, the contraction loosens. I’m gaining awareness of the true living space. From a certain perspective it may seem narrow or small, but when I really commit to it, it’s all encompassing. There is only loss of illusion.
And I’m willing to feel it whenever I’m contracting again, and not blame myself for it out of the idea of having to be(come) this perfect person, a well-known pattern as an attempt to not get hurt. I smile gently and include this incarnation as one of all beings, as an expression of and the willingness to engage in life’s adventure. At the moment this willingness is alive, and I know from experience that it can be challenged again and again.
As a vision I wasn’t able to share with others, it seemed a memory. As a memory I started to doubt its value and almost lost the sight of it. I reconnected with the inner truth not because of its value over other truths – then it would be mere a thought process, a philosophy – but because its alive in me and I don’t feel alive outside of it.
And yes, I still experience being nourished when connecting with people on a deep level. And yes, I do want to meet this way. At the moment I can let go of this urge to express myself out of a hungry feeling, out of this desire to being affirmed in my way of being. Through exercising of the heart, space has opened up to let life take its course and be present to its opportunities. For now.